The Loud Talker

Fuck, nothing gets on my nerves more than some loud mouthed manager who wants everyone in the office to hear every fucking word it says. Its like hey everyone I'm talking to a client and I want you to know how fucking fake I can be to someone on the fone, and that's exactly what it is fake fucking bullshit. Hey can I stick my tongue up your ass and pretend that im a real person you are talking to and that I truly care about what your saying? I dont buy it on this end and I hope our clients arent that fucking brain dead to buy it on thier end. The problem is that this idiot is responsible for dealing with clients and everyone in the entire office can hear every fucking work she says. We actually had to have the office maintenace people come in and add sound proofing in between the offices just because of this one person, (thats fucked up). Its door is open to everyone to hear every fucking word it says. Its like hey Im a fucking moron and I want evryone in this office to understand exactly how big of a stupid fucking moron I am. And if I hear "FYI or Just so you know" one more time I'm going to start tearing up individual pieces of paper, one at a time one ream at a time, one case at a time until someone fucking commits me to an institution. The only problem is I dont have the patience to tear up paper in that manner. WHY DO PEOPLE thrive on hearing themselves talk or talking so loud they know everyone can hear them? Please someone out there that has a brain, answer this question. (Any thoughts Pat ?). I dont want to have to listen to ignorant people, listening to my own thoughts is punishment enough. I'm not sure exactly how to handle the loud talker, do you mention something innocently, like hey shut your fucking mouth and die? or stop talking so fucking loud you fucking inconsiderate cunt (veal cunt, inside joke). I am not sure that there is PC way to tell someone that they talk to loud w/o offendin them. Help me out here, fuck Its late good fucking night!!

The Interupters

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Lost in Fed Ex Land

Let me say that I truly like 99% of the people that I work with and since some of the people I work with are family I can honestly say I love some of them. That being said heres my latest rant. Federal Express (FE) is a multi billion $ company that does a pretty damn good job at delivering packages overnight. They dont have a reputation for not delivering packages on time, am I right? If you have read the previous posts then you know my firm is coming up on a deadline. Certain shit has to be at certain places really fucking fast or money will be lost. That being said, our office is located in a very large OFFICE COMPLEX many business's on many floors. We have a FE drop box in the building that is picked up at 5:10 every day, there is even a window that tells you if it has been picked up already that day. We have used this drop box for the past 5 years and have never had a package not delivered on time. So 3pm rolls around and I am asked to FE an important package for next day delivery. No fucking problem as FE doesnt pick up until 5:10 pm 2 hrs 10 minutes later, but wait......THIS PACKAGE IS VERY IMPORTANT!!!! Their all fucking important if we spend $40 to ship them overnight. I am ordered to take the package to a FE Kinkos to insure that the package gets there on time. Does anyone see where Im going with this? Theres a fucking drop box 50 feet away but that shit doesnt work. FE is a fucked up company that always gets your package there late unless you take it to a fucking 18 yr old zit invested drugged out Kinkos employee who doesnt even work for FE and really gives a shit about this IMPORTANT FUCKING PACKAGE. My point is that FE drop boxes work. If they didnt then FE would be out of business. This shit happens on a Friday and shitty Kinkos isnt on my fuckin way home. Thats a wonderful end to a perfectly fucked up week. Thanks for listening again to all of my negativity and if you dont like this blog then go fuck your self.

Peace
Maxwell Crews

Little sneaky bastard

So there are certain things that certain people are responsible for in any office. I for example am responsible for greeting clients who come into the office. Im not a receptionist but have a monitor in my office that has the receptionist area on camera. So if someone walks into the office and I am not looking at the monitor then Oh fuck they might have to wait there for a few minutes. To the best of my knowledge no one has ever died from waiting in our receptionist area (to date anyway). So I missed a client and they had to wait. Now one of my wonderful co-working cocksuckers comes into my office to inform me that a client is waiting (instead of assisting the client himself). Naturally I said thank you and went up front to greet the client. Now as Im walking back to my office the wonderful employee who informed me and the office manager (little Hitler LH for short) are walking towards me. I get lambbasted for not being up front soon enough. So here comes the rant. Sneaky little fucking bastard snitches me out to LH instead of just keeping his fucking cocksucking mouth closed. Keep in mind there is real loyalty and comradery in this office. Id like to beat this person to death with a large peice of raw fish, tuna or swordfish. If I hear its not in my job description one more time I am going to go postal and &*%^$#@$%^%&%&^ who the fuck knows. I always thought that it would be fun to kill myself and frame someone else that I cant stand for the crime. I watch Law and Order I could get this shit done. Fortunately I hate pain and could never kill myself. I believe that people enjoy other peoples misery. This person has to work with me and I am going to make his life a living hell. I am great at fucking with people with out them knowing who is fucking with them. My point is every office has cocksuckers who enjoy sucking up to management and basking in other peoples misery (mine). If only we could all get along and not shove our noses up managements ass. I personally think it would be embarassing to be able to describe how someones asshole smells from personal experience but there are people in the world that smell assholes everyday. Now I am not talking about any type of sexual experiences cause Im sure all of you have got the scent of a smelly asshole before. People drink shit happens. Fortunately we are down to the last day until our deadline. SHit will get worse but thats ok cause thats how things go at our firm. For those of you who think that I am a totally negative person your wrong, I just choose to blog about the negative things that happen, people dont like to hear about good things but drool over bad ship, thats just human nature. Tomorrows blog: Lost in Fed Ex land and The Interupters. Have a great weekend and drink a keg on me.

Maxwell Crews

2 days 2 go

Thursday in hell, it starts out easy enough, quiet, peacfull, calm. Then they arrive, the people I see every day but can never really get used to. Theres one, my trusting blog companion who keeps me from completely going insane and I believe he feels the same. If we couldnt vent on each other I feel it could become a blood bath, It starts out with simple chit chat, you listen but dont really pay attenion. You pretend to just to be polite, hoping that it will eventually stop....but it doesnt you get the pitch ins, you know the people that always have something to add to a completely meaningless story hoping to perhaps make it better in some pathetic way but it never does. All that happens is the story gets longer and longer and it starts to grate on your nerves like a styrofoam cooler squeaking in your car or the chalkboard or the ballons that the stupid fucking clown makes those stupid fucking animals with I FUCKING HATE ALL OF THOSE SOUNDS! Anyway thats how they sound. I just want to jump up and pull my pants down and take a big shit right in front of the entire group. At least that way the conversation might be worth listening to. Anyway it will only get worse the next few days. Hopefully you wont read about it in the papers. Until next time.

Max Crews

deadline approaches reponse

What my good friend above touches on has more depth than can be imagined if you do not know this beast. By all personality traits you would think the beast was a cougar. We are having a particular challenge nailing down the species because it is foreign to the firm habitat. At the rookie age of 21 it has all the makings at first site of the low level intern. But wait, get a little closer and you will smell something. No its not the typical perfume from all the other bright eyed 2o somethings. Its not the fresh spring air you expected. You are consuming the stench of 100 percent hormones. Dont let the 4inch heals and skirt fool you, this girl is a preditor. The ass sticks up like some gravity defining phenomena. Its a perky ass whether its being held up by pin stripe slacks or

Deadline aproaches

Its 3 days until the 1st deadline and things are rockin in the recticles. One man is subjected to the most unbearable screech of the most dreaded animal on earth.... the lonely chic who cant shut the fuck up. This creature goes on and on talking to no one in particular about how she does things just a little bit better or more often than any one else with in ear shot. What do we call her you might ask? TOU (towel minus the l) the one upper...she speaks for hours on end and the only thing you can do is occasionally respond with a "really...that's nice...no kidding... uh huh...If you respond with anything else then the tangent starts and that means a completely different subject that could literally go on for decades. Be very carefully with any response as it could mean the difference between leaving at 5pm or never leaving at all.